Chunky Monkey

Ok yea that would be everyone in my family ;) Excluding Steven, he's pretty fit. I'm having one of those days where I just wanna crawl into my bed and sleep and sleep and sleep. I'm having a depressed month actually on how I look etc. So last week I went out and bought $40 of veggies and am trying so hard to incorporate them into our lifestyle but this is proving to be DIFFICULT! The good thing I found is Kaeden and I both seem to like raw cucumber dipped in a little bit of ranch :) The bad thing is every other veggie I offer Kaeden or Kai gets thrown back at me. I want to lose weight. I want us to be healthy. I am TIRED of looking in the mirror in disbelief that I am the image staring back at me. Have you ever had a photo taken of yourself and when you look at it you think " that cannot be me, I look nothing like that "? I swear it is always happening to me! I picture myself in my mind looking much like I looked 5yrs ago, and then I really SEE myself and it is like being slapped upside the face.

Soooo I tried to jump rope. Can you believe it took me 10 minutes to get more then 5 jumps in a row without messing up and when I was trying to get past those 5 consecutive jumps I also was feeling so much burn in my legs I wanted to give up?!? Can we say COW? MOO? Momma needs some slimfast?!?!?! Kaeden enjoyed counting my jumps but unfortunately for him he didn't get to excersize much of his skills as I kept messing up around 8-9ish jumps LOL I did eventually hit 20 jumps (my goal for that day) and I had to do them quickly for fear of missing and not making it to 20 like I had done multiple times before hitting that magic number LOL Amazing how I used to love jumping rope and now it's such a JOB for me !!! Did you know that I jumped rope in elementary school with the best of them?!?! Wouldn't know that by looking at me now! Oh yea and another crappy thing was everytime I made it past 5 or 6 jumps my bra would come unclipped and those things bouncing around smacking my face was not much fun LOL Talk about painful! Dang boobs anyway. Who am I kidding on wanting to join a gym when I can't even jump rope for longer then 5-10min without sitting down??? Why waste the money? I think Iw ill continue my "secret" rope jumping (by secret I mean no one but Kaeden and Kai see me or really know about my new goals of hitting *gasp* 30 jumps in a row ;)) and try to get myself in a bit better shape before spending money on a gym. The weather is getting nicer and I'm hoping to go on walks soon.. when my calves stop aching from jumping lol Did you know that jumping rope seems to work some side/stomach type muscles??? yea neither did I! lol But I feel some soreness in there also.

I want to walk past a mirror, see a picture, and SMILE or feel comfortable with what I see looking back at me. I don't want to be a supermodel, I don't want to be ripped and buff, I want to be healthy and in shape. I want to be able to buy clothes that stay where they are supposed to be, not falling off my butt cause my belly roll is pushing them down or squishing and pinching my gut cause my fat belly is in the way. Steven even admits that after having my 2 boys I've gone downhill. not in so many words, but he says that "The boys really fucked you up". I dont' take it in a mean way, I appreciate his honesty, I appreciate that he can still find himself attracted to me, although I certainly question how in the heck he can do that! I find myself repulsive. I'm thinking if I lost some weight then I might be able to give him more S-E-X. it is truly the ONE thing that is lacking and not healthy in our relationship and I know we need to fix it before it causes serious problems a few years down the road. I just never feel in the mood because I hate me and I expect him to hate me too.

Wow this post certainly turned into a woe is me post rather then a post about my boys! Sorry about that!

Kai had his 18mo checkup with shots today. He weighs 26lbs fully clothed with jacket and shoes and is 30 1/2 " according to the Dr. I say he's 30", they never ever weigh him correctly LOL He got 2 shots and was a trooper. He didn't cry at all for the first shot, but the 2nd one got him and made him cry :( He quickly dried his tears and was ready to leave much to my surprise so we stopped and got some cookies out of the vending machine for him and his brother ;) Kaeden was actually well behaved in the Dr Office today YAY!!!!!!!!!!! I had the Dr check his eyes real quickly and now I need to get him an appt with a vision clinic. Seems his left eye might be a bit weak when trying to see things in the distance. He named the letters off the chart like a champ and the Doc was impressed with how well he knew his letters :) I felt proud... until he started acting like a goof and not wanting to read the letters towards the end of the "exam". Doc also asked how Kai's speech was and I said he was doing ok. Didn't talk as much as his brother but was saying things and I started listing them off. He said that as long as he had 7 words or more (which he does) he was great. Then I told him that he says Hi Puppy, Hi Baby, Good Girl, and he said that is really good as it puts him ahead in speech. Apparently stringing 2 words together is in the 2yr old level not the 1yr old... So that's kinda cool to know since I have had concerns about his slower speech. All in all the appt was great, kids are great and I'm fat ;) lol Gotta run, time to feed the puppies~!