The Pressure is unbearable!

Wow... I remember when I was pg with Kaeden some tenderness in my bbs, but this is CRAZY!!! When I am trying to sleep it feels like I have two giant bruises on my chest...And you know what I've realized? Kaeden touches/pushes/pokes my boobs more times in an evening then I ever noticed until now! I feel so horrible for him, he tries to lay on me and I have to tell him no, he tries to snuggle I tell him no, the pain is just horrid!!! I'm so sad that they must be GROWING as they were plenty large before ;) As a matter of fact they had just finally shrank down to a size that was almost "normal" again and now they're becoming giant bouy's on my chest again. I guess this summer between the boobs and the belly I won't need a lifejacket to stay afloat LOL

Morning Sickness is still plaguing my body. Thursday I was SO sick with the stomach flu and it was plain miserable. I've never had both m/s and the flu and I pray to never have that again! It sure makes my m/s nausea seem much easier though LOL Poor Kaeden had to run the house for momma while she lay on the couch like a dying growth. It was pitiful. I couldn't even open up the vienna sausages he wanted for lunch because of the smell. Thank god he knows how to open the fridge and there were apples in there. I told him to go get an apple and he did :) My lil big man. He spent most of the day playing in his bedroom, when he got hungry he'd go find a snack in the kitchen, and whe he got thirsty he'd grab a cup from the kid cup drawer and go stand on the toilet in the bathroom to get a drink of water. I asked Steven if he could come home early from work, but he was too busy that day (go figure, the ONE busy day of the week I'm barfing my brains up) But he called Melissa for me and she brought Kaeden some McDonalds for lunch and some 7-Up for my upset tummy. I was so thankful that someone was there to feed my son some real lunch!!! She didn't stick around long for fear of inhaling my deadly germs and Kaeden was sad. He didn't want her to leave. Sure made me feel like one POS momma!!! He was lonely I think. Although he did feel like quite the big boy changing his movies in the DVD player and pushing play all by himself since mommy couldn't come yell at him for playing with the DVD player and since she couldnt' start the movies for him!

Thank god when I woke up Friday morning I felt human again! Regular ole m/s was back but that was tolerable ;) I'm definitely having aversions to food and many things are NOT sounding good to me. Toast is almost always a safe food... I'm shocked but apple juice seems to go down nicely also (usually it upsets my tummy when I'm not pg LOL) Anything hot or really strong in smell seems to make my stomach churn. Last night Steven had leftover spaghetti for dinner but I just couldn't eat that anymore (I had it for dinner Wed night before my horrible Thurs experience) I finally just had cream cheese and ham rolled up on a tortilla. I seem to be loving cream cheese though ;) Also super into ice creams and bowls of cereal ;) So dairy seems to be good for my belly right now.

So I will be officially 8 weeks pregnant on tuesday. I've got a good feeling so far with this pregnancy as I'm full of preggo symptoms. My next appt is not until the 18th of Feb so I've got a ways to go. I just hope all is going well inside there. I am debating when to order up my babybeat ;) I don't want to get it so early that I drive myself crazy listening for something that is just not possible to hear yet, but on the other hand I want it SO BADLY LOL Just to know everything is ok in there! My pants did seem a little tight yesterday and slightly uncomfortable yet I haven't really gained any weight, so maybe I am growing down there. Hard to tell underneath all the leftover Kaeden flab ;)

Well I am going to go and clean my kitchen! I'm feeling pretty good this morning. I slept in until 10:30 and had some toast for my tummy and am ready to do something productive ;) Adios

PS Here is the photo of Baby Bean!! It's between the two crosses. The big blob you see is the yolk sac :)

One tequila two tequila three tequila FLOOR

OMG was it really me who said that I wanted to feel like I'd killed a bottle of tequila the night before a few posts ago? Did I really say I wanted to be sick and queasy all day long? I LIED! This is ridiculous. I walk around like the living dead afraid to breathe, afraid to talk afraid to open my mouth period for fear of vomiting everywhere... I finally go to the toilet so that I can relieve myself and HOPEFULLY make my stomach and body feel "human" for 5min... and DRY HEAVE?!?!?! What is up with that???? I eat food and nothing will come up, so I constantly feel miserable. Teach me to wish myself sick. Now morning sickness with Kaeden consisted of puking when I brushed my teeth in the morning, and a few gags here and there especially if I had an empty stomach. This is SOOOOOO different. No wonder everyone thought I was crazy for WANTING morning sickness... I wanted what i had with kaeden, not this hell!!!! LOL

So for the update on my ultrasound. I went in, undressed and sat on the chair waiting for doc to come in and use the magic wand. As he was inserting the magic wand all I could think was PLEASE let me see something inside that black dot. I don't care how little it is or what it is, just SOMETHING to ease my mind that this lil one is growing and developing (had a fear of blighted ovum). The wand goes in, I see the black dot, and then I see a grey mass! YIPPEEE... Then the doc informs me he sees the fluttering of the heart. I said where?~?!?!?! he pointed it out and sure enough I saw a teeny tiny heartbeat. Now mind you whatever that grey mass was did NOT look like a baby LOL I was 6w3d at the ultrasound, and when I figure out how to post pics on this blog I'll scan the u/s picture and post it here ;) This way I can share the little grey line between the two crosses that the doc put there with everyone LOL There was a yolk sac and baby (the yolk sac was probably 3 times the size of the baby!) and to think that one week prior there had been nothing in that black dot! YIPPEE.... I was glowing ALL day long Friday.... and then BAM Friday night til now I"ve been plagued with nausea and gas and miserableness, not to mention a slight cold to top it all off.

Ok this has definitely become a rambling blog entry and for that I'm sorry. My brain is feeling cloudy and I just want to sleep.... I can't wait for the second trimester for more then one reason now!!!!!!

The cold may be a blessing in disguise?

Wow, I am so excited and upset at the same time today. I'm pretty sure i'm coming down with the cold that all the kids I babysit and raise seem to have. My nose has been stuffy and my chest a bit congested just like the lil ones. Why would this be a blessing you ask? Well this morning my stomach was quite queasy!! I'm so ecstatic to have morning sickness, but wow I feel ucky today. If I could smell everything perfectly I'm afraid I'd be bent over the toilet as we speak. I decided I should make some toast to see if it would help me out and I am feeling better, but I am amazed with how "out of it" I've felt this morning! Once again the kids are running the house and I don't care! I will when I realize the full damage I am sure they are inflicting on the bedrooms, but at this moment as long as they aren't bugging me I am happy!!!! I am not feeling queasy right this moment, but I am feeling oh so lazy. Should I admit what I've done today? Or should I keep it to myself? The truth is I forgot to change diapers until about 15min ago! Sydney had almost leaked through but it wasn't too bad, Kaeden on the other hand had undone one side of the diaper and let the other side just slip down his leg to gather in the bottom of his footie pj's.. YUCK! Amazing how that boy doesn't care when he is soaking wet!!! I'm just glad I got to the diapers and dressing before 2pm ;)

Well tomorrow is the big day.... the day to see if my lil bean is growing as he/she should be. with these symptoms I'm feeling pretty optimistic about it, so I hope that these pregnancy symptoms are for a good reason!!! ;)

So I hate these stinking Lifetime movie network movies right now... One minute she tells her boyfriend that she's pregnant, and 5minutes later into the movie she's as big as a house expecting to pop... How unfair is that? I just want to get through the first trimester within 5min ;) I don't even ask that I be 9mo pregnant within 5min.

My son is once again beating on Sydney. How in the world will I do this with a baby in my house 24/7 and protect it from my lil man!!!???? I'm not sure what happened but he has the guilty look and she's screaming her head off. he's great at apologizing, but he' s gotta learn that we don't hurt someone and then just say sorry and it's ok. It's like he's beginning to look at the word "Sorry" as his free pass or get out of jail free card for beating on people....... This boy is and always has been my daily challenge. I just hope this baby is born with some tough skin LOL It's gonna need it! Of course they are both playing together happily once again so that's good. It's amazing how Sydney has developed into such a "kid" in the past 7mo. She'll be 10mo old on the 25th and she loves to follow the big kids around and be involved with them. I think it's adorable watching her and Kaeden play together, I just hate having to play the guessing game when something goes wrong.

Signing off to try to muster up some energy, and if that fails I'll just browse my Aug boards some more ;)

As the kids run wild

Ok, so I know I'm not the most motivated or energetic person in this world, but MAN I've been even LESS so then normal! Here I am sitting on this computer just thinking to myself how badly I need to get up and clean this house as the kids are in terrorizing my bedroom. It's their favorite thing to do and I don't let them do it very often, but on those days when I just want to be left alone and some peace and quiet I open up my bedroom to three children and let them do whatever they want for a few hours. I think my bedroom is the most babyproofed room in my house anyway ;) They are currently taking every blanket/pillow/bedspread/sheet in this house and piling them up to make a fort on my bed that they are filling with toys... I just know I"ll crawl into bed tonight to find a magna doodle toy up my butt if I don't get some motivation and clean it when they're finished LOL The nice thing is when they play in my room and turn it into these forts and play their crocodile on the floor coming to get them games I GET REAL PEACE!! Kaeden and Taylor actually have gotten along for TWO HOURS with no fighting. When is the last time this happened? I Think when Kaeden was drugged up on cough meds and Taylor was 2 hrs away at her dads LOL This is out of the norm and I"m loving it. Maybe I'll just let them play in my room everyday! Even Sydney seems to enjoy rolling around on the bed and pulling the blankets around. Unfortunately letting them play in there is not helping me out in the motivation section of my life. Instead of taking advantage of the fightless morning and cleaning the kitchen I sit here in front of the computer hitting refresh on my Aug 2002 Playgroup waiting to see who else is hanging out there with me.

Anyway, enough of that.. This morning I felt a little nauseous and it makes me so happy! I actually gagged twice out of nowhere.. I know it sounds strange to most people, but to me this is wonderful!!! With my m/c's I never had morning sickness. With my Kaeden pregnancy I was gaggy and look how healthy and happy he is! SOOOO I've come to realize puking my guts out is a good thing in pregnancy and am looking forward to feeling like I drank a gallon of tequila the night before!

I found out last night that our friends are also pregnant. Wow must be in the water in Ephrata for 2005 babies! Ross and Marie are due the end of June, Corey and Michelle are due 8-28 and I'm due 9-15. This is either a really good thing or a really bad thing .... Corey, Ross and Steven's children all so close in age hanging out together gives me grey hair just thinking about it!!! We will have to start saving money for their bail and court fines instead of college if they all end up being boys and buds... LOL But I've got my fingers crossed for a girl ;) Maybe God will humor me this time around. Afterall I've done so well with Kaeden dont I deserve a reward? If this lil bean isnt a girl I hope it's at least a boy with a good attitude ;) A quiet sleeping breastfeeding snuggly baby boy would be just as good as a girl in my mind... That screaming demanding opinionated from day one baby boy that I've already raised is a one of a kind, and I hope he can't be outdone by this next child LOL I always said my next can't get worse... Let's hope I don't jinx myself with that saying LOL The way I look at it is we already got Steven's attitude as a child in Kaeden, PLEASE let me get MY baby-tude in this child. I was a great baby so my mother tells me and I'd love to have one of those myself ;)

Well I suppose I should start picking up that dang kitchen. And vacuum my living room floor and sweep my kitchen... what kind of babysitter am I when Sydney is munchin on pretzels off the floor? LOL Ok off to work I go......................

New Week New Worries ;)

I'm not that great at this updating thing. It's like keeping a diary, I get all excited to document everything in my life, write in it for a day and completely forget or lose interest.. I then turn around and kick myself 6mo later for being lazy. So here I am trying to remind myself to update this blog regularly ;) This way when I'm 8months pregnant and just dying to have this child OUT of me in the 110 degree sweltering Eastern Washington heat I can look back and remember how badly I wanted to be 8mo pregnant swollen and FAT :)

I had my first OB appointment Friday the 14th. We did all the routine stuff and got that out of the way. Pap -Check Pelvic -Check Breast Exam -Check (with dense breast tissue TMI?) 10 gallons of blood sucked out of my non-cooperative veins -Check and YES I did get my Ultra Sound also -CHECK. As for the pap, I am really hoping for that puppy to come back NORMAL. I am so sick of my paps being abnormal for 2 or 3 times in a row, we do the colposcopy, turn around and then get a normal pap... Go in 6mo later ... Normal.... 6mo later and this is THE ONE, meaning if it comes back NORMAL I get to be a "normal" person again and only go in once a year instead of these 6mo trips to the Gyno.... BAM Abnormal again... Sheesh. So pap taken Friday and hoping that I can get another normal to jump start this pregnancy.

Now onto the Ultra Sound update. Not much to tell. I am not 100% sure of my LMP therefore I am not 100% sure how far along I am in this pregnancy. The nurse decides to guesstimate it at Dec 7th as I know I was on my period Dec 9th... This puts me 5w3d pregnant on Friday at the ultra sound. We go into the room, I get into that oh so comfy chair naked from the waist down and am told to relax and the instruments, hands etc begin to probe inside of me. UGH Gotta love that part. Then he unrolls the condom, slides it onto the wand and lubes it up. I wait in anticipation staring at that screen as I'm told to relax. We don't see a "baby" exactly. We see a black blop on the screen planted nicely in my uterus. He looks for awhile checking things out, shows me what might be a small sliver of baby and informs me that the ultra sound measures me at 4w5d. He said since my original EDD was a guestimate that this is not a bad thing. Of course after my previous miscarriages anything seems "bad" to me if it's not screaming HI I AM A HEALTHY MONSTEROUS BABY IN YOUR BELLY Like Kaeden did ;) Doc assured me that for how early I am in this pregnancy things look as normal as possible. To ease my racing mind he went ahead and had blood drawn for HCG quantitive and told me to come back next Friday to see what the little Bean's up to in there. Still waiting to hear the results of that quantitive and wondering if I'll get another draw for comparison? Not sure how the heck I'm going to pull that off this week with all the kids I'm babysitting... But we will figure something out :)

Why do I always have to find out I'm pg when I'm only like 2 weeks along? Ok maybe 3 weeks but oh how I dream of having a pregnancy when I find out at like 10-12 weeks.... That's gotta be the best thing!!!! The good news is I gagged this morning ;) I know, seems silly but gagging and feeling like I have a permanent slight hangover all day makes me very happy! Who would have thought I'd jump for joy to feel completely yucky? The downside is I seem to have a symptom I do not remember with Kaeden's pg. I feel hungry a LOT. And I mean starving hungry. I eat and eat and eat... Feel overfull (oops) and 2 hrs later feel starved again!! If this continues I'm screwed and am guaranteed to gain 100lbs with this pregnancy!! I'm hoping the hangover feeling will turn into full blown morning sickness for awhile so I'll stop eating like a starved animal slurping everything in sight.

So Kaeden and I went to Dollar Tree today. I've decided to work on this potty training thing again. He is excited about it when HE wants to be. We went and picked out his very own "potty stickers" (ninja turtles and then I picked out the affordable bulk generic pack too) and a sticker book to hang up on the wall and place a sticker on for each successful potty trip. Of course the minute we got home he HAD to go potty and was extremely excited about it. We peed, got re-dressed, put his sticker (ok for the first time I let him put 3 on to make sure he realizes how FUN this could be LOL) on the chart and stressed how big of a boy he is!!!!! As soon as the sticker book was hung on the wall he wanted to go potty again, he wanted another sticker... UGH This stuff always backfires for me. He just wants to sit on the pot and get stickers instead of actually GOING because he needs to go... What's a mom to do? I am seriously considering sending him to Grandma's for the weekend so she can potty train him. I swear she's the potty training queen! She had my cousin trained in a weekend and I know my brother and I were trained pretty early also. My goal is to get this boy trained before Baby Bean pops out in 8mo or so. I guess if I try to work on this PT on my own maybe the pregnancy will fly by as my months for a fully potty trained 3 yr old slip past me ;) So maybe there will be a positive to doing this training thing all on my own instead of letting grandma step in. Besides how will I be able to assist MY children in potty training if I've never done it? LOL I've got a few months to decide ... easy way out and depend on mommy? (preferred method) Or tough it out like MOST mothers have to do and teach my boy to pee on the pot? (responsible way to go...)

Well I have typed up a novel tonight, tteach me to wait so long to update my blog. I actually had time to MYSELF this evening as daddy watches TV and Kaeden runs around playing power rangers and yelling YAAAAA as he jump kicks the air annoying daddy instead of me!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEE.

Today I will begin Blogging

So this is my first attempt at blogging. I found out last week Jan 5th that I was expecting baby number two!! I was in shock, but it's starting to wear off now. It's hard to imagine that in September I will be holding another bundle of joy. It seems like just yesterday I gave birth to Kaeden, and now he's this wild unruly toddler!!! He seems excited at the idea of another baby. A few nights ago he asked me to turn on the light cause he wanted to see his baby sister. It was so cute. I had to try to explain to him that you cannot see the baby yet. I know he doesn't fully understand, but it's adorable to hear him say those things anyway. So far not too bad as far as symptoms go. This morning was the first morning I woke with the turning stomach. As far as I can tell from my LMP I was 5 full weeks pg yesterday. I don't know when my first day of my LMP was so it's a guess. I have my first Dr appt tomorrow morning for my repeat abnormal paps follow up and we shall see how that goes. I'm hoping for an u/s to show me a healthy baby and to get a more accurate due date, but not sure I'll get one. I know that it's probably too early to see anything on the screen that resembles a baby, but I'd like an u/s anyway ;) I'm really hoping for this little bean to grow into a baby girl. I'd love to have my boy and girl and I think I'd feel "complete" for having kids. I'd love another little boy just as much, I just pray it comes out with at least 1/2 or less then 1/2 the attitude my little man was born with!!!! Not sure I could handle TWO Kaeden-like kids! My girls (aka the boobies) are a bit tender, but not too bad. The peeing seems to be coming on a bit more frequently but nothing like it was with my last pg. I embrace every symptom that comes my way as all I can hope for is a healthy pregnancy at this point, and those symptoms seem to assure me things are going well :) For some reason this time around I am feeling more relaxed about things. With Kaeden I was a paranoid momma!!! This time I feel everything happens for a reason and I feel like this will all turn out ok. I hope that my gut instinct is right. I am just enjoying every day of this pregnancy which is something I wasnt able to do with Kaeden due to my paranoia. I will continue with this blog later, as my son is yelling from the back bedroom and I'd better go investigate, who KNOWS what's going on this time.........